Everybody Loves Me

If anyone asked me 13 1/2 years ago about my true feelings for my home state, I'd have to wait until this year to tell them. A song has been written by One Republic that explains my feelings back then perfectly. Here are a few of the lyrics (the chorus & the bridge):

Oh my, feels just like I don't try
Looks so good I might die
All I know is everybody loves me.

Head down, swaying to my own sound
Flashes in my face now
All I know is everybody loves me.

Don't need my health
Got my name and got my wealth
I stare at the sun
Just for kicks all by myself

I lose track of time
So I might be past my prime
But I'm feeling oh so good
Yeah

Yeah, a little harsh - especially since I grew up in the Central Valley and not in la la Land - but truly how I felt about my home state.

But people grow and change right? I do and did but in that also realized that a part of me was also very much like the harsh feelings I had. No, my home state did not define me, but it was a part of me. No, I didn't strive for fame or infamy but, through no fault of my parents, I grew up with a need to loved, wanted, known and, dare I say it, be the center of the attention. But unlike the type of "attention" the song suggests of it's rocker creator, I just wanted to know I was accepted. Somehow, I confused acceptance with fame - and not fame as in celebrity - but in everyone I know and meet loving me. That no one who met me could ever not like me, no matter what I did.

Oh, you see that? Again, this song jumps out at me and when you listen to the whole song, you get what I mean - but I'll break it down for you so you don't have to look it up. Basically, the song is a sarcastic attempt of a popular band to stick it's nose up at the very same fame that it needed to succeed and how it doesn't matter what they do now, people love them and they can do whatever they please. Now, you see? Yeah, kinda was thinking something like now.

Now, if you know me, before you e-mail and tell that this is not me, well, you would be right - and wrong. No, I'm not this way consciously. But unconsciously, I am. And the ugliness only rears it's head when my "likeness" is threatened. There are three people since I moved here that demonstrates this very reaction...and none of those three "friends" are friends anymore. It killed me. To be honest, it still does some days. But I move on each time I'm reminded because a split second after I berate myself for not being perfect (of which I can never be, and I do know that), I'm reminded that three people's opinion's do not dictate who I am.

Now you might be wondering what this has to do with this new blog. Well, to be honest, I don't really think I would be where I am if I hadn't been a Hoosier, or if I hadn't been born in CA. And, to be more honest, CA has nothing really to do with this - it's only in my emotions towards it 13 1/2 years ago that it has any meaning. But in navigating Hoosierland, this California girl has learned a lot about herself, about our vast differences across this country, and about how real fame is when you surround yourself with people that when you fall, pick you up without you asking. It has nothing to do with notoriety or perfection or worship, just friendship and real people.

This blog is about that; and it's also simply about how what I learned in my home state didn't always apply in my adopted one. It's been a fun, frustrating, fantastic and funny ride. I am going to share it with anyone who'll read.

So from this reformed-Valley Girl (yes, I did and still can "gag me" with "like" the best of them) to you, I say, like, enjoy & Go Hoosiers!